40 Days Oath

I finally decided to brave myself to write down my oath which has long been despised, 40 days eating plain food (no sugar, no salt, no dairy, no fried food, no white flour, all healthy).

I have been struggling with food obssession all my life. Because of this, my weight kept on adding.  The worse was when I spent a year in the US. I gained about 12 kgs (26,5 lbs). I tried to lose weight since I was in HS but it never last that long.  

It’s been about 10 years last year I’m still struggling on my weight and my self-control in food.

Therefore, about sometime last year, I made an oath to God to eat plain food for 40 days. At that time, I felt like I was driven to do so. Up until now, I’m not sure whose voice was that but I know it’s indeed not my flesh. Who wanted to eat plain food for 40 days??

I said ‘yes’ but I never was able to complete that 40 days. I quit after 1 week, 2 weeks, or just recently after 3 weeks. It was indeed hard especially when I’m in a ‘big foodie’ community. My parents eat out every week and I could only sit and saw them eat. My friends sometime asked me out for lunch/dinner meeting and I felt so terrible making my friends feeling guilty of seeing me eat my own prepared food or sometimes not eating anything when I didn’t have time to prepare. 

The judgement that come to me was also hard to bear. They thought I’m stubborn when they asked me to eat even a little and I refused. Not everyone understood what I’m doing and sometimes I felt like a burden to them through what I’m doing as well. 

Actually I have two oaths to God that I have to fulfill. Honestly, I didn’t want to make this oath because I fully realized about the bible verses on making an oath. But aren’t we all supposed to do what we felt strongly asked by God?

Help me God to go through this. I really want to endure this 40 days with commitment and love. I know how unpleasant the feeling is when the one who we ask to do something do it with complain.

Phillipians 2:14 says “do everything without grumbling or arguing“. 

On a side note, I’m sure that doesn’t apply to every single thing that you do in life. I think that we shouldn’t  take this verse literally without putting it in context.  Of course sometimes you argued with your peers or your boss while doing something that they asked you to do when you felt that you have a better way of doing it. 

So anyway, here I am, honestly with fear wanting to renew my commitment of 40 days plain food starting tomorrow February 7, 2013 and ends on March 19, 2013 to You Lord. Help me to remember that Your grace is sufficient and I’ll endure no matter what the cost. Help me Jesus, I’m so afraid of failing you again. After failing you like gazillion times. 

I’m scared Jesus. Help me!